i ordered in from dominos and it wasn't very good, really.
i never order in food because it just feels like a lot of money for one meal and i am so selective and reprehensive about what i eat, the things i do eat (because i know i like them), i can just make myself -- better and (probably?) at a lower cost. so idk. ordering in, not my thing.
at the same time, emotionally, i kind of elevate takeaway to where i think it's probably so good. because shouldn't a dish i pay 15€ for just be. good? in ways that i cannot achieve myself. maybe i try to justify the cost that way. either way, it doesn't hold up. it just doesn't. dominos' pizza isn't that good. the toppings are way too sparse. it's luke warm. it's not very filling. the dough is nice, i must admit. good dough. but i can make something overall better and more filling at home.
but yesterday, i didn't. i caved. i had agreed to hang out and possibly order in with a friend after a uni thing and then the uni thing got cancelled so we hung out way earlier and didn't order in but after the friend had left, i had internally already kind of prepared myself for ordered-in dinner, so i just did. i got a pizza with broccoli and mushrooms and mozzarella (which is a variation of my go-to pizza. i'd usually do spinach, mushrooms and mozzarella and maybe broccoli. but nothing more, nothing less. i don't quite trust any other toppings anymore.) and some cheese and garlic pizza rolls, and well. it was fine. luke warm toppings sparse etc etc.
i really think ordering in requires a social occasion to be worth it. you're hanging out with your friends. you're having fun, you don't wanna cook, there's nothing in the house anyway. let's just order something. at the end of the night there are leftovers you can eat for breakfast or lunch the next day. something like that. but alone? it felt somewhat sad and empty. there is nothing that connects me to this food, not even the satisfaction of having made it myself (which. i loathe that cooking always takes one million years, and i do try to do it as little as possible and i try to have it be as un-exhausting as possible by rotating maybe 3 dishes that i know really well. but you know. at least i did something, at least i made this food.)
so yeah. i have fed my once-every-few-months hunger for take-away. let's not do that again anytime soon.
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i want to do something.
i think i have often in my life wanted to do something, start something communal, something that requires at least one but more often a bunch of people consistently showing up and working on making it happen. so far none of those things did actually happen. i barely even remember what they all were. but now i'm having one of these ideas again and i think i will actually try to make it happen this time. after all, i have already succeeded in bringing a sort-of-regular film-night into life which has been running for 2 meetings with another scheduled already. and this may not sound like much, but every one of these kinds of things that are now long-standing traditions, were running for 2 meetings with a third scheduled at one time. everyone starts small. and for me to take the initiative to organise this kind of thing is crazy, ok? you go invent a reason to hang out with people you like.
anyway. so, this new idea i have is a comic club/zine. where people come together and draw comics and then we put them all in a zine and print it and give it to people to read. i've roped in one friend already to do this with me. i think i need one or two other people. i will ask around, i promise. i want to make this happen. i think it would be really cool.
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in other news, this past sunday, i finished writing my stupid theory course essay. it was a somewhat excruciating process because, as i've explained, i couldn't quite wrap my head around the topic and for a very long time was at a loss on what to really write about or what my stance on the whole thing was or how it relates to my art. i did, fortunately, eventually find an approach and from there just kept writing and saying stuff. that's really what theory work (or sometimes even writing prose) feels like to me a lot of the time: like i'm just saying stuff. and i don't always know if it's true or if i actually believe it. which is not great for me personally because when i say or write things i always want them to be those things above all. true and something i believe. at least in non-fiction. like, when i'm writing a personal essay that is about my personal view of a topic that is somewhat philosophical, i need the things i say to be true (or at least make logical sense) and i need to be sure i believe them too. i know i could just lie about my opinions. what are they gonna do? they can't factcheck my personal opinion. but i just couldn't do it, personally. i have a great dislike of lying and insincerity in the real world. i can't do it.
so i wrote my thang and for a while i let go of any other standard for it except for it to be true and something i can believe in and make sense somewhat. which means i did zero research and have one source (the dictionary) because the whole thing is simply my subjective thoughts and thinkings on the matter. and as per the assignment requirements this should be fine. but we will see. if i fail, i'll have three semesters to take some other theory course to get those credits. and then, maybe it'll be a topic i actually understand.
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| as they say |
i will go to bed now. i hope the next time you go to bed, you sleep well and refreshingly and have a nice dream.
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