i have risen from hell

my portfolio is done. like 99%. the last 1% is publishing details like whether i get a readymag pro license for free from my uni so i am not demeaned by the readymag branding and the cryptic URL. and my friend will have to do a testrun this weekend, lest i have become so oblivious of an unassuming user and their behaviours that i have implemented stupid bullshit that nobody understands.

it's the last day of march

it's the last day of march and i am supposed to do a collage to fill this month's mini-collage-zine (a challenge i've set myself earlier this month to get myself to do more collage. you will hear more about it in due time.) instead, i am writing a blog post, because it's been a while.

doing a dangerous thing (starting a post at 11:30 pm)

i may be autistic. this is what this post is gonna be about i guess. cause it's been a present topic again recently and i need to kind of get used to claiming that descriptor for myself.

playing Dracula (1986) (part 1)

in researching for my vampire-themed semester project from last year, i stumbled upon Dracula, a video game from 1986 for the Commodore 64. at the time, i had a first try at playing it, but died pretty early on and then got quite busy and trashed my laptop and generally just didn't come around to starting it up again. but today, Lilly Ashton's post about bad Atari 2600 games inspired me to give Dracula another go. so come and witness with me the horrors that our boy jonathan harker must endure.

portfolio hell

i often wish i could skip ahead to a point in my professional existence where i know how things work and don't have to feel so much that i have to constantly prove and legitimise myself as someone worth hiring. i simply hate unfamiliar situations -- i feel very small and inept very quickly whenever i don't know the exact workings of a process and i am not someone who can hide this ineptness. at all. i also hate "putting myself out there". i'm sure it's a self-confidence issue but it just always feels at least a little bit egotistical and self-important to try to sell people on my work, and i don't like the idea of manipulating people into caring about what i do. i do love sharing my art, especially when i'm proud of it and think it's good, but i always feel shy and icky when it comes to presenting it to specific people actively -- this is why (in theory -- we all know i hate ig atp) i've always liked putting my work on various platforms online, bc i can just throw it into the void and people can look if they care but i'm not forcing it onto anyone. anyway. you can imagine my agony over the process of putting together a portfolio to apply for internships with.

it is spring

it is spring.

me and my puzzles

contrary to popular belief i am not a senior citizen. but i sure do love my evening puzzles.

the whimsy of snow

it's been snowing a lot this winter, at least compared to how it usually is around here (germany). usually, for years now, it would snow somewhat maybe once or twice at the start of the season but the snow would barely settle onto the ground before melting away again. if you're lucky, you'd get one day with enough snow to build a small snowman or have a snowball fight. mostly, it'd be grey and rainy and temperatures wouldn't fall below 5 °C. this has been german winters for many years. at least in my perception.

musings on recent happenings (ordering food, starting a comic club & finishing my essay)

i ordered in from dominos and it wasn't very good, really.

i never order in food because it just feels like a lot of money for one meal and i am so selective and reprehensive about what i eat, the things i do eat (because i know i like them), i can just make myself -- better and (probably?) at a lower cost. so idk. ordering in, not my thing.

showing you my plushies :3

i think it is a very sad thing to regard having plushies as an adult as childish or immature or overall bad. i never bought into the idea that beyond a certain age i should feel ashamed about having plushies and cuddling with them. i'm lonely. they are my little friends and they make me smile. who gives a shit.

hourly comics 2026 (+ introducing my darling SONY CFM-10)

noone ever tells you when hourly comics day is. last year, i finally deduced the date to be february 1st and put it in my calendar. if this is wrong, do not tell me lest i end up on the news. anyway. yesterday, i did finally, after years of missing it, do my hourlies like a good online artist.

on theory and praxis (or, trying to figure out what i'm gonna write my theory course essay about)

this semester, i did a theory course about praxis. yeah, i know.

it was good and interesting and we had some very nice, lively discussions at every meeting, but now as it comes to writing the obligatory assignment, i don't quite know what to say and where i stand. i'm writing this as a sort of stream of consciousness and i'm writing it here in hopes that the informal, fun, unjudging blog-context will only allow me to think more freely.

so, what is theory and what is praxis and how are they relational to one-another and how can they be reconciled? and where in my practical work comes theory into play if at all, and how? i guess this is what the assignment is.

goodnight sweet prince (my SONY CFS-1250L Radio Cassette-Corder)

today, i took apart my cassette player. it has been whining horribly and playing cassettes too slowly lately, which is fun and games in an ironic sort of way for two minutes and then just makes listening completely unenjoyable. with nothing to lose, i thought i could take a look inside the thing to see if i (with my extremely limited knowledge of electronics) might find something to fix and generally clean it up a little. also, i won't deny that seeing how a device like this that is really almost mechanical in its functionality is very interesting to me.

my CFS-1250L in the twilight of my fairy lights and dusk 

how the fuck do you do a comic reading? (also, heated rivalry episode 1 haterism)

i'm having to do a reading of my uni comic and i'm kind of lost.

what i've been up to

i would love to blog more, i really do. i love blogging and i love this blog. but on the one hand, i've been kind of busy? but at the same time, nothing really bloggable has happened to me. so, here's maybe just a rundown of what i've been doing and we'll see if i go off on any tangents. i have a uni info event in 15 minutes and need to pass the time.

meet the artist 2026 (and some looking back and looking forward)

been doing these for EIGHT YEARS and wowie, i made another one!