it's the last day of march

it's the last day of march and i am supposed to do a collage to fill this month's mini-collage-zine (a challenge i've set myself earlier this month to get myself to do more collage. you will hear more about it in due time.) instead, i am writing a blog post, because it's been a while.

i've been wanting so badly to tend to my blog, but i've been busy in this strange way where you're not stressed exacty and in theory your workload seems fine but still, at the end of every day you're in bed and you didn't really have any boring free time because all your tasks did end up filling up the whole day. i've simply not found the time. but tonight. tonight i'm making it. the time.

prominently, i've been stuck in portfolio hell. readymag is a nightmare disguised in a user-friendly user interface but at this point i am too committed and too far along to switch to a different platform. i am almost done. only need to edit some showreels. do pray for me that readymag lets me upload the videos without issues, because if any more of them disappear on playback or skip the first few seconds i might actually. end up on the news. or kill the readymag devs.

on related news, today were internship-presentations, where everyone who did their internships last semester talked about their internships. my semester, preparing to intern this coming winter term, was urged to attend, so attend i did -- and promptly had an epiphany. i must intern at a bookbinding firm.

bookbinding is a beautiful craft that's been on my radar at least since 6th grade, when i wanted to write a book and needed a book to write in and instead of, i dunno, asking my mum for an A5 notebook, i bound one myself. it sucks but for an 11-year-old's first and uninstructed, bookbinding-project, it's pretty solid -- it's even got that piece of fabric on the spine. since then i have every now and then bound a little book when i needed to (meaning, when i had art i wanted to produce as a book(let)). in this, i have never bothered to invest in proper equipment or materials or instructions (except when i bought some bookbinding glue last year.) this may be my downfall in trying to get a bookbinding internship. i am scared that my projects thus far won't convey how well i know i could do the craft if i had access to the proper materials.

i was thinking about this today and realised that i have a sort of self-sabotaging and autodidactic approach to developing new interests and skills. it's like they sneak up on me rather than that i actively work to get into them properly from the get-go. never in my life have i said, oh, i want to learn this new skill, let me pay someone 100 euros to teach a class. i always start by just doing it badly with whatever materials i have lying around or otherwise easy access to. and then with every time i'm doing it i try to do it a little more planned and a little more precise and i incorporate a technique i saw someone else do and maybe i even buy a real tool or material. and one day i jump to my feet, frenzied, because i realised this is a genuine interest and a skill i want to actively hone and the only way to do that from here-on out is to start professionalising. that was today. i have to start professionalising my bookbinding. tomorrow i am calling a local bookbinding shop that i know takes interns. you must cross your fingers for me. okay?

★⭑✴✦✸⋆🟊⭒✶★⭑✴✦✸⋆🟊⭒✶★⭑✴✦✸⋆🟊⭒✶★⭑✴✦✸⋆🟊⭒✶★⭑✴✦✸⋆🟊⭒✶★⭑✴✦✸⋆🟊⭒✶ 

other things that happened recently or are on my mind:

✴ i was in cologne to see waterparks live and it was awesome. the new album is gonna be so so good.

i also drew some people while waiting in line and even gave away some of the drawings to them (which i have never done before but they were sooo sweet and excited! yay!):

✴ we finally had our first comic club meeting last saturday!! i want to do a dedicated post about that but it was so much fun and it feels very promising!

✴ this semester's comic project started. we'll be making comics about friendship, or rather a specific friendship we know from real life. i'll be writing about my best friend and i, the queer-platonic experience, feelings and relationships beyond romantic and platonic -- and mushrooms :-)

✴ my friend is visiting over easter and we're finally hanging out again after one william years (4 months) apart and we're pre-celebrating my birthday and they're meeting my uni friends and i am incredibly excited about all of this. i really really hope everything works out as i've planned it, especially for the birthday-party. i've been trying not to slip into borrowing grief from the future. because my friend's visit is only four days and i just know it will be over in no time and it'll feel like we're "wasting" that precious time by not doing crazy awesome things together and after that it'll be another million years until we see each other again. but i also know that just hanging out is time well spent and i don't really like doing crazy awesome things anyway and my friend needs a holiday. i just want to live close together again so that rotting in bed together until noon doesn't feel like wasted time and so that i don't have to miss them so much. raah.

✴ i bought a cardbord bed to use as a guest-bed and couch and my living room looks noticably more like a living room now. on thursday i will sew some cushions.

✴ i started making a new lampshade for my living room floorlamp. it's ultramarine blue and has star-cutouts. it is not done. we will see if i can finish it by this weekend.

ok that's all for tonight, methinks. i have to do my french lessons (i am trying out LingoDeer) and my puzzles. goodnight, people in my puter. i love you.