it's the last day of march

it's the last day of march and i am supposed to do a collage to fill this month's mini-collage-zine (a challenge i've set myself earlier this month to get myself to do more collage. you will hear more about it in due time.) instead, i am writing a blog post, because it's been a while.

doing a dangerous thing (starting a post at 11:30 pm)

i may be autistic. this is what this post is gonna be about i guess. cause it's been a present topic again recently and i need to kind of get used to claiming that descriptor for myself.

playing Dracula (1986) (part 1)

in researching for my vampire-themed semester project from last year, i stumbled upon Dracula, a video game from 1986 for the Commodore 64. at the time, i had a first try at playing it, but died pretty early on and then got quite busy and trashed my laptop and generally just didn't come around to starting it up again. but today, Lilly Ashton's post about bad Atari 2600 games inspired me to give Dracula another go. so come and witness with me the horrors that our boy jonathan harker must endure.

portfolio hell

i often wish i could skip ahead to a point in my professional existence where i know how things work and don't have to feel so much that i have to constantly prove and legitimise myself as someone worth hiring. i simply hate unfamiliar situations -- i feel very small and inept very quickly whenever i don't know the exact workings of a process and i am not someone who can hide this ineptness. at all. i also hate "putting myself out there". i'm sure it's a self-confidence issue but it just always feels at least a little bit egotistical and self-important to try to sell people on my work, and i don't like the idea of manipulating people into caring about what i do. i do love sharing my art, especially when i'm proud of it and think it's good, but i always feel shy and icky when it comes to presenting it to specific people actively -- this is why (in theory -- we all know i hate ig atp) i've always liked putting my work on various platforms online, bc i can just throw it into the void and people can look if they care but i'm not forcing it onto anyone. anyway. you can imagine my agony over the process of putting together a portfolio to apply for internships with.

it is spring

it is spring.